Community and the Holy Spirit with Ed Zajonc
Welcome to the Holy Spirit Untethered. My name is Amber Beals, and it is my job and my mission to allow the Holy Spirit to speak through me, to help demystify who he is, what his role is, and to deeply encourage you to seek a relationship with him. Alright. Let's get started. Hey, guys.
Amber Beels:Welcome back to the Holy Spirit Untethered podcast. My name is Amber. And today, I have a special guest. I have Ed with me. Now I know I promised you guys an episode with Ed for the past, like, month, and now it's finally happening.
Amber Beels:Ed, you wanna say hi?
Ed Zajanc:Hey, welcome. And so glad to be a part of this. I've heard so much about it and I'm really excited to be a part of the broadcast system.
Amber Beels:Yeah. We're excited to have you on and, and hear your story because I know you have a really, really awesome story to share. So today, we're gonna be talking about, well, your story and your introduction to the Holy Spirit through Heart Church and how you met Shane and and even your journey in the last few, like, what is it, couple years?
Ed Zajanc:Yeah. Last three three years, forty months. It's been amazing. Couldn't have done it without the the Lord and the Holy Spirit. There's just absolutely no way.
Amber Beels:Yeah. Yeah. Alright. I'm excited to hear it. Yeah.
Amber Beels:Alright. So before we get started, let's go ahead and pray. So if you can and it's safe to do so, go ahead and close your eyes and pray with us. Alright. Dear heavenly father, I just thank you so much for this opportunity to be able to come here in Ed's house and and just speak about you and your holy spirit and what and the amazing things that you have done in his life, Lord, and all the transformation and the love that you've shown him, Lord.
Amber Beels:I just pray Holy Spirit, you would lead this conversation, that this would be all about you. This may be Ed's message, but this is this is your story. This is how you transformed him, Lord. So I just thank you for that. And I just pray that you prepare our hearts for this message.
Amber Beels:We pray these things in Jesus name.
Ed Zajanc:Amen. Good start.
Amber Beels:Awesome. Awesome. So Ed, tell me, how did you get connected with Heart Church? Now Heart Church has been around for five, six years now?
Ed Zajanc:Probably six. Yes.
Amber Beels:Yes. You were there from the Yeah,
Ed Zajanc:I was one of the living room group.
Amber Beels:Yeah. Which is pretty awesome.
Ed Zajanc:Yeah. We didn't know if we're gonna do a puppet show or we're gonna have a service. So it was just a small group of us. But I did a lot of church shopping over my life because I was sort of drugged there by my wife at the time. And she just wanted to every three to five years we were always going someplace else, if not sooner.
Ed Zajanc:And we latched on to Hart Church, when it was still, and and just before that when it was part of Brand X Church, I'll call it. Okay. And then Shane left. And Shane came to me, at that church and wanted to introduce himself to me. And I did everything I could to probably stay away because I was not going to be involved in any church at any time for any reason because I didn't pick it out and it's not mine.
Ed Zajanc:And it wasn't a part of my heart or my mind. It was somebody else's doing that was, bringing me there. So weeks would go by and every week, Shane would try to find me and he'd let's go have a cup of coffee and, let's just sit and chat. And I did everything I could possibly do to avoid that. And I was highly successful at it.
Ed Zajanc:To the point I actually hid inside the sanctuary, in different locations only to find a finger tapping on my shoulder saying, hey, Ed, I found you. How you doing? And I go, man. Hi, Shane. How are you?
Ed Zajanc:Yeah. I'll I'll meet you after service. And of course, after service, I was the first one out and into the car and gone. So I didn't spend any time, with him. Then one afternoon, I found out that Shane was leaving and he was starting a new church and that we were moving to someplace else new.
Ed Zajanc:Once again, it was common for me. It was nothing new. Oh, where are going? Well, we're gonna go to somebody's house. Oh,
Amber Beels:man. Not
Ed Zajanc:that. Oh my gosh. I don't now I gotta go meet people. I gotta go to somebody's strange house. I didn't wanna go.
Amber Beels:You didn't hide there.
Ed Zajanc:I couldn't And I tried my best. And so I showed up and I would set far off, stage left in the corner, all by myself, right up against the wall so that there was only one chair that was next to me, and my then wife would sit there. That way I didn't have to talk to anybody, see anybody, or do anything. It was a perfect perfect arrangement. And, of course, they would have food or snacks, and I would gulp that down as appropriate.
Ed Zajanc:But that's how I got started. And it wasn't long until I got invited to a dinner party, which was being hosted at my house. And You
Amber Beels:were invited to your
Ed Zajanc:own house. I was invited to my own house, and I was very surprised. Well, this is interesting. Who's gonna be here? Well, Shane and Heather are gonna be here.
Ed Zajanc:Who else? Is it Well, it's just them. Okay. Alright. Fine.
Ed Zajanc:Well, I can be a great host. In fact, I love to host and I I'm very good at that and very gracious in many ways. So I said this is gonna be very interesting. And so, we had a good meal and it came time, for dessert. And the ladies got up to clear the table and bring in the dessert.
Ed Zajanc:And it was just Shane and I sat at the table. Shane started talking about the church and what was going on. I said, well, Shane, just let me stop you there. First of all, I have no intention of joining this church or being a part of this in any way. Second, I'm only here for the ride, and you're only gonna see us for a couple of years at the max.
Ed Zajanc:And we're talking months, not years. And we're gonna be golfed someplace else. And lastly, I'm not gonna be contributing or supporting this church. So I just wanna be clear about that. I wanna be open.
Ed Zajanc:I like you. I think you're a great guy. But I gotta be honest with you. Here here's the reality. Wow.
Ed Zajanc:Wow. He's right. Shane was just very, gracious and said, hey, it's not about that. It's all about you and I and our relationship and what might evolve. And and and we'll just go with it where it is.
Ed Zajanc:I'm not asking for anything. We don't need anything. We're we're fine. And of course, I I don't I didn't give him much of an option, one way or the other on that. He only had one step to step on, and he did it, very graciously and and very well.
Ed Zajanc:Well, shortcut quickly through, several months going to the church or, to the, living room at the house, we we both discovered that we had a tendency to play golf and wanna have fun and do things. And so he said, let's go out and and and and play golf. So about five years later, Shane and I started to play golf. He invited Dan Jordan to come along. And Dan is an excellent golfer and he started started to teach us and we became very good friends.
Ed Zajanc:And the three of us, played and it was getting to the point where we were playing every week and just having a fun time. And the more and more I spent time with Shane, the more and more you can just see God's anointing.
Amber Beels:I didn't know that Dan, who has been on this podcast actually, so has Shane. So Dan, he taught you golf? You hadn't been golfing since before?
Ed Zajanc:Right. Everybody says that that they like to play golf or might play golf, but nobody's very good at it. And so Anne is very good. And he took us under his wing and and he and he taught both of us. And over the course of a few months, we were into a groove and and really practicing more and and learning more.
Ed Zajanc:And then we took I took some lessons and, enhanced my game.
Amber Beels:So you had this, this relationship with Dan and with Shane. Shane, that started
Ed Zajanc:blossoming the and, and quite frankly, that whole three threesome, the, the, the three Musketeers playing golf, we started talking about life. We started talking about individual issues, problems, concerns. And that was really the formation, for, Shane and I to say, we need to create a wolf pack. We need a a group of men who can get together on a regular basis and really share things. And so our friend Dan came was on a golf match with us at Mount Woodson 1 day and he and and we were playing the thirteenth hole.
Ed Zajanc:And he said, I just hiked the potato chip rock over here with this, young lady and I've decided that if she'll have me, I'm gonna marry her. She doesn't know it yet, but that's what I'm gonna do. And we looked at him and we said, Dan, where did this come from? Wow. I mean, one minute you're playing golf and doing all this other thing.
Ed Zajanc:You take one trip up a mountain and you're gonna marry the lady. He says, yep. She's great. I want her. And and so he ended up proposing the show and the rest is history.
Ed Zajanc:And they're obviously doing very well. Renewed their vows just a couple of weeks ago here in San Five absolutely fantastic. And then Dan moved away. And so it was just two musketeers. And from there, we, Shane and I started to sort of survey around and say, who do we want to spend some time with?
Ed Zajanc:And so we created a Wolfpack group. And and it consists mostly of Philip Jordan Kwah, a part of it. And every once in a while, we have a few guest appearances. Justin Hayflick and Ben is always has been a part of it as well. And Derek has has stepped in every once in a while.
Ed Zajanc:And we play cards and we we built a little man cave down here on the South Campus by the pool. And and so they'll come in and we'll play some cards and and have a drink and just enjoy ourselves. But it's the whole purpose of it is for men to have a relationship and to discuss issues and to work on the things that that are encountering our lives. Very, very powerful. Very, very powerful for all of us.
Amber Beels:I love that. And it's also biblical because Jesus did the same thing. Right? Because He had the disciples, but then He had kind of like, His wolf pack, using your term of like him and, and Peter, and I think it was John, like those were kind of his inner circle or his wolf pack. And so that is a very biblical thing to do to have that.
Amber Beels:And so I love
Ed Zajanc:that. Extremely powerful. Yeah. Powerful. That process took some time to evolve and and grow.
Ed Zajanc:It just didn't didn't just one week this and the next week that. It took some time. Then my life, took some very serious, turns. In 2021, my son, was ill, was diagnosed as a schizophrenic and refused medication and treatment. And it was a very, very, very difficult time.
Ed Zajanc:Things weren't going well as a result of that with the family, with my marriage, and that tended to create some issues as well. So a combination of strife and concern on the home front and then the illness of my son forced me to bring in some professional help and, to, help counsel my son primarily and us as a family. And so that included my daughters and Carson's mom and and Carson himself, to some extent. And we tried to do everything that we possibly could to interface with him and try to move him forward to on a treatment plan. And unfortunately, October '23, he took his life.
Ed Zajanc:And and that was a very, tragic, event. One never wants to experience, losing a child in your life, to say the very least. And the grief has been somewhat astronomical. It took it upon myself to get, help for myself in terms of counseling. Who am I?
Ed Zajanc:What am I? How do I believe? My faith just sort of rolled out of that dialogue through the other professionals. These were non faith based counselors. So they were all surprised to hear me say how the Lord is working in my life.
Ed Zajanc:Yeah. And how how important it all is to me. So the realities are that it was through those events that I just came out of it saying, what are my priorities in life? And and obviously church came, very high, family, church, career. And I had just worked myself to the bone in terms of staying busy constantly.
Ed Zajanc:Anything to avoid dealing with the conflicts of the marriage or conflicts with the boy or conflicts with family. Work, work, work. That was the answer. Highly successful as a result of that. Motivated by fear.
Ed Zajanc:Motivated by money. Financial capabilities. And it and and the Lord just answered all of that for me. He says, okay. We'll go that route.
Ed Zajanc:We'll take that route for a while. But it won't be long until you're gonna have to deal with these other issues. And you need to know that. And you gotta figure it out. So
Amber Beels:Well, and question for you. So you said that out of all that grief and everything that you decided that what are my you asked yourself, what are my priorities? And one of them was church. At one point, do you think it switched? Because going from avoiding Shane in the sanctuary to now that it's like number one priority community church, the Lord, where along that journey do you think it made the switch?
Amber Beels:You made the switch.
Ed Zajanc:Well, that's a great question. And I would parallel a lot of it with the growth of the church, the growth of Shane, the growth of me, all of us in the process. It was amazing to see what the Lord was doing for all of us, all at the same time. It was really astonishing how obstacles would come to me in my life that I had to deal with. Obstacles would come forth through the church and through Shane as a pastor as well.
Ed Zajanc:And we were just knocking these things down, through prayer and through conversation and and direct action with with full intention. But it wasn't it wasn't our idea. It wasn't our thought. It was truly the Holy Spirit coming to us saying, you know, maybe we need to do this, but more importantly, maybe not too fast. Let's let's give this some time.
Ed Zajanc:Let's think about this. Or you have a you have a problem not being able to act on the things that I'm sharing with you. But my I can tell in your heart you need to and you want to, but you don't know how to. And you're afraid to do that because fear is something that you've always had to fight all your life. I was abandoned as a child, as adopted, later on in life.
Ed Zajanc:I had single parent mom for many, many years in my life. All of those anxious moments and things came up, and the holy spirit just sort of I think came through me at that time in my life saying, okay. Just be prepared. Just get yourself organized. Just focus.
Ed Zajanc:And then boom. My wife files for a divorce. Total surprise, primarily because of all the tensions that's going on with Harson and and and abilities to really to resolve a lot of problems and issues. And she was not the focus. And, he was.
Ed Zajanc:And I had to make him the focus because he was a higher priority and and that he had a huge need that needed to be addressed. And then he took his life, later the same year. And just months before that, my mom passed away. And so I had a series of boom, boom, boom kind of things that just said, you know, these are tests, Ed, but you're prepared for them. And you might not see it right now.
Ed Zajanc:You might not feel it, but I'm here for you, and and I'm gonna get you through it. And he did. It's it was been a lot harder. Grief has been very difficult for the family, for, Carson's mom and his two sisters and myself. We we see each other.
Ed Zajanc:We've been together on major events. It brought us together stronger as a family. And I really felt that through his passing. It the Lord brought us together, which was a great thing for for them and as well as for me, out there. And of course, the house was perfect setting to to make that all happen.
Ed Zajanc:So this has always been a kingdom place of love, hope, and joy. Mhmm. And we continue to make it as such, either as a South campus for Hart Church or for my own family. And it's been a a blessing and a gift, to say the least, for me. And all of this led me to really stop and look at my life and myself and really take inventory of what it is are my priorities and where is my heart.
Ed Zajanc:And I found myself through Heart Church growing quickly under Shane's guidance and tutelage. Obviously, he's a great pastor, but he's also a great friend and a great leader. And he was able to give me some of the tools that I needed to as a man to just to be myself, and I had no voice. I could never have had this conversation, you know, ten months ago or twelve months ago. I would have already been in tears and withered and, we would already stopped.
Ed Zajanc:And not to say we might not
Amber Beels:Yeah.
Ed Zajanc:Before it's over with. But in order for me to get my voice back, God came into my life and said, I've got you.
Amber Beels:And what does that what does that look like for you? Like, how does the Lord speak to you? Because I know he speaks to everyone differently. So like, during those, like, multiple tragedies that happened within a year or two span, how did he support how did the Holy Spirit support you in that?
Ed Zajanc:Well, it's a great question. I found myself reaching back, obviously calling upon friends and my wolf pack and so on, but also in the word through my own private time and setting and and reading the word and trying to find the right passages on occasion that just stuck with me. And I'll never forget one Sunday morning soon after he passed. It was a beautiful typical November Sunday morning where it had been raining hard and then suddenly it stops and the sun comes out and the and the sun is trying to peek through the blue and black clouds and out the window of my room and I overlooking the entire valley and I'm looking at this and I just put my hands up and I said, Lord, give me the strength. Give me the power.
Ed Zajanc:Give me the ability to to to know what's going on. And and I was just in tears. I was just, sobbing. And I I just knew that he was there for me at that point. And it gave me the strength that I needed, not only to get in the car and go to church, but the next day to deal with some of the other issues that that needed to be dealt with.
Ed Zajanc:And I continue to ask for that. I have a tendency to worry too much about things that that God already has taken care of me. But you know, everybody likes validation and confirmation.
Amber Beels:It's true.
Ed Zajanc:We just do. You know, you know, trust but verify. Yeah. Well, okay. I trust, obviously I trust in the Lord.
Ed Zajanc:I was just telling Shane that I just went through a series, you know, it's tax season. So I meet with my tax accountant, my financial advisor, you know, and all these folks that give me, great advice. And I was sitting with Shane the other day and I said, I couldn't believe it. I mean, if there's ever been a testimony to God math and the finances that go on, it's- it's- I'm a li- I'm living proof of it. And it's just been marvelous.
Ed Zajanc:And to know that I don't really have to worry about anything financially, truly for the rest of my life, that I don't really have to be concerned about some of these external forces that come up apart it, that it's all about me and my relationships. So Ed, you know, quick turning your head in the wrong direction here. I'm with you. Let's go. Let's make things happen.
Ed Zajanc:So Shane and I meet probably once a week and at least and sat down and just chat about, you know, the church and what's going on and what can we do and the directions and how can we make things grow so the church becomes a has become a real high priority for me. Work is diminished, semi retired, reducing the number of clients. I have more free time about myself. I just have the capacity and the bandwidth now to to really do things. And probably had that before, but again, didn't trust and and and turn it over to him.
Ed Zajanc:So for instance, I know the market is going crazy right now and a lot of things going on. Yeah. I could care less. I don't know, it's gonna work or it's not gonna work, but it's gonna work. And I know he's got it.
Ed Zajanc:And it's all temporary. It's all, you know, it's all a flash and pan. It'll all go away. And, things are gonna, just be fine. But if if I was going to be monitoring on a daily basis, I'd go crazy.
Amber Beels:I think anyone would. Yeah. So
Ed Zajanc:I try to be more intentional, if you would, about things that I'm doing and why, we're doing them or I'm doing them. And Saturday morning we had the men's breakfast and Shane did a marvelous, presentation on the The armor God.
Amber Beels:Yeah. The armor of God.
Ed Zajanc:Yeah. And did a great presentation, about all of that and and what it means to us. And, you know, the the realities are the practical application is just to deal with your faith and your righteousness and your truth, the people that you love the most. And so I'm doing that. I try to do that with my two daughters.
Ed Zajanc:One's a little bit more difficult or harder than the other.
Amber Beels:Sure.
Ed Zajanc:They're human beings. And I'm working on both of them on on different levels at different paces out there. And and then I'm working on, relationships, within the church and also, within the Wolfpack and, of course, trying to expand the involvement, my personal involvement with the church wherever I can. Yeah. So it's it's a terribly exciting time time for me.
Ed Zajanc:I think the the timing is good that the Lord has sort of said, you've got enough time left in your life that go out and do these things that that will be beneficial for the for the church and for for him, as well. So I'm looking forward to it.
Amber Beels:That's awesome. I know that it must have been very difficult to being somebody who was so work focused. And so like, what's the word where you're very, like, driven by your success and the numbers and all in the clients and all the things and, you know, basically finding your identity in that, right? What would I say that's true? Finding your identity in that then now kind of did a 180.
Ed Zajanc:Yes.
Amber Beels:And it's from work focus to being a child of God and building the kingdom and relationships and community and church and all the things like, how do you think that transition? I think the Wolfpack had a huge impact on that. Right?
Ed Zajanc:Yes.
Amber Beels:And then, but what else do you think really had an impact on that that 180 switch?
Ed Zajanc:Well, another great question. And and here's here's the reality. Fear is an amazing motivator. Yeah. And so if you come from an insecure base and reality, which I have and had in in my life, quite frankly, you find yourself finding going gravitating to the things you do best and that you're that you find acceptance and that you find reward associated with.
Ed Zajanc:So it was work, work, work, work for me. And I was extremely good at it. I was self employed for thirty. I've been self employed for over thirty years now. Which is an amazing thing to say that I can trust myself as a human being to know that my brain and thought can create a living and, do well with that as opposed to having to work for someone else or have to have a nine to five job.
Ed Zajanc:So I think the realities for me, in that process is that I just hid myself in the work. And I decided that I was going to well, I don't know that I so much decided it as a part of the realities where I just found myself, I needed one more client, one more client, one more client, more, more, And enough is not enough. And how much money do you really need? And and all of that stuff. And that didn't and and there was no answer to to any of that.
Ed Zajanc:And as soon as I got another client or something fell out of the sky, out of it, I'd say, wow, that's amazing. I need more. I need more.
Amber Beels:It was never enough. Yeah.
Ed Zajanc:Yeah. It's never enough. It was never enough. And it was enough. And the, you know, the Lord would just kept bringing these gifts into me in in so many ways.
Ed Zajanc:It was extremely powerful. And I didn't really recognize that or give him tribute or or praise, at that point in time in my life as much as I do now. And I every night when I go to bed, I thank the Lord for the blessings that He's given me and the home that I'm in and the realities that exist for me. Because it's truly without Him, I would not have what I have today. So work was a motivating force.
Ed Zajanc:And then as these events occurred in my life, I quickly realized that, you know, I can't I do not have the mental capacity to deal with all these issues emotionally as well as run a business. So it wasn't long until the business, you know, 12 clients went to nine, nine clients went to six, six clients went to four. You know, it just it just eroded because I could not really deal with those capacities, and needs and requirements. No regrets. And I know, even to this day, I was I was thinking about it the other day, do I want to go out and get another client?
Ed Zajanc:Do I want to start that get on that merry-go-round again? Or is everything just fine? And then I said to myself, well, if I'm gonna do that, then maybe I'll do something that I want to do. So maybe I'll go work in a vineyard because I like wine. And I like to I'd like to talk about wine.
Ed Zajanc:Or maybe I'll go work at the golf course because I go to the golf course a lot. You know, maybe I'll do something that is associated with some activity that is more centered with me. Not for the money. Obviously, there's not a lot of money in either one of those.
Amber Beels:Unfortunately, no. No.
Ed Zajanc:So it wouldn't be for the money, but it would be for, you know, my time. I realize that I only have a finite time left on this earth. And so it's a question of how what you're gonna do with the quality of it. So, I pry I'm prioritizing on a daily basis, as things come up. And I and it bothers me if I let a day go by that I have not thought about the things that are important to me.
Ed Zajanc:And and done it. In fact, I I have a little journal. I try to figure out three great things that happened today that I can say thank you, Lord, for for what you've done and and where I am today in my life.
Amber Beels:It's really powerful because it really switches your mindset from one of maybe wanting to one of gratitude. And then if you're in a state of gratitude, you can't be in a state of anxiousness or fear.
Ed Zajanc:Right.
Amber Beels:Right?
Ed Zajanc:True.
Amber Beels:Yeah. And Sheila, actually from church, she gave me this gratitude journal at the beginning of the year, and I've been using it and maybe not every day, but at least five times a week, I'll fill it out. But basically, it's like, what are you grateful for today? And at least, at least name three to five things. So I always go three because I kind of like expand on each each And some days are a little easier than others.
Amber Beels:I'm not gonna lie. Just gonna, I try not to repeat myself, right? I'm always trying to pick something that I haven't chosen before, haven't said that I'm grateful for. And so like, I try to put a lot of thought into it. And sometimes it can be a little difficult.
Amber Beels:The other day, I had to sit there for like twenty minutes to figure out. I was like, Lord, what is wrong with me? Why am I finding it so hard to find something to be grateful for? I know I'm super blessed. Like,
Ed Zajanc:you know a good point.
Amber Beels:And yeah.
Ed Zajanc:So along those lines, I mean, that's the that's the gift that the Lord, I think, is is given to you and given to me is that there are many blessings. I'm not so I I don't hesitate to put the same things down, maybe not day after day, but repeat because those are blessings. And they they are the gifts that keep on giving, if you would. That's true. And are are are part of his bounty, the table that he has set for us, out there.
Ed Zajanc:I think I've learned from Shane and from others, passive aggressive is not the answer. Running to the roar is is huge. Answering that growl that goes in your heart and your mind and acting on it and taking action on it, are just critical to being a man of God, but also a leader in the church and a leader in life altogether. So these are powerful things that that that he's done. So there is there are occasions where I've said, well, I was so pleased I made this decision.
Ed Zajanc:I think that was a decision from God. You know, the Lord is talking to me saying, it's okay. You can do this. This is fine. And I think that's powerful to recognize that and to to accept that.
Ed Zajanc:And and some of sometimes it's not exactly, what you want, you know, quite quite frankly. You know, I just went through, surgery. I had back surgery. It was long time coming. I had to wait six months on a wait list only to find out when I got there, on the list.
Ed Zajanc:And I had two days before the planned surgery, they do an EKG, and my heart's in A fib. And and how long has it been in A fib? Well, they're looking at me and I'm saying, you you guys are the doctors. How could I be on the list if I have if I'm AFib and I'm not eligible? Well, we just don't hand out EKGs.
Ed Zajanc:And I said, well, apparently not.
Amber Beels:So and
Ed Zajanc:that so we went, you know, and I had to go through some regimens with, heart, treatments, which are just basically some tests and also then some medication, blood thinners, for a while. And then got back on the the wait list again. I kept thinking, this is gonna be ridiculous. And I called them every day, every day after that. And the lady would say, oh, it's Ed.
Ed Zajanc:I'd say, yes, it's
Amber Beels:me. She
Ed Zajanc:says, well, there's no cancellations and there's no reason to call back until next month. Next day I pick up the phone and call her again. And she said, no cancellations, no reason to call until next month. And I'd call her again. And, the bottom line is I did get in, sooner than later.
Ed Zajanc:I was very pleased. The surgery was very important. I had spinal stenosis and I had to get the the spinal canal widened. My legs would go numb. I'd literally be standing and my legs would go numb and I couldn't walk.
Ed Zajanc:And a lot of people didn't know it and recognize that I would just lean against the wall or find a chair and set and do some micro stretches to free the legs up and then the feeling it would come, and then I could proceed. And took the family to on a a a vacation to Scotland, and we golfed. And I was constantly plagued with this problem and this issue. And they were very understanding, but they also knew the urgency of me to to get this done. So we did and got it done.
Ed Zajanc:And then, three days after the first surgery, discovered that I had a, infection, a surgical infection in inside the spine as a result of the surgery. And so I had to have a second surgery. And I was in the hospital for five days and on antibiotics. And I'm still on antibiotics until, the April 24. But it was through that process, couple of things really happened.
Ed Zajanc:The the surgery was a % successful. Ninety five percent, worse. I'm getting all the feeling back. I don't experience the same problems that I had previously. And I'm regaining, the more feeling in my feet and, things that I had lost for many, many years, out there.
Ed Zajanc:But the most interesting part of that was my relationship with my daughter just really blew up and enhanced immensely. She was my caregiver for, that time period. She was constantly monitoring and watching me and she discovered the infection and sent me back to the hospital saying we gotta go in and check this. And that's when we found out we had an infection. And when I came out of the hospital, I was she sat down with me and she said, dad, I gotta be honest with you.
Ed Zajanc:I I felt an awful lot of emotions and an awful lot of fear and intrepidation, with the fact that you were in the hospital, and I didn't know what was gonna happen. I just didn't feel like we were prepared. And I can't allow that. That it's too much responsibility. So I embrace that with, I mean, I've got all these files out there, every all the wills and trusts and, you know, all that stuff out there.
Ed Zajanc:She said, yes, it's everywhere. But where is it? What is it? Really? What do you want?
Ed Zajanc:And what do you want to do? So I'm in the process of, preparing for end of life, issues at 75. And it's going to be a turnover kind of thing. Somebody will be able to open up a file box and find all the files in there right down to where I'm gonna be buried and what's gonna say what it's gonna say on my tombstone or monument or whatever. From my perspective, I'm not gonna be too egotistical about it.
Ed Zajanc:I'm sure they'll have some some input to it. But having gone through that with my mom and with with my son, I know how hard that is and how much grief there is associated with that. And what was Ed's really thoughts or or plan? So putting together all of those those things, it's not it's not a a gruesome event. It's an organizational event.
Ed Zajanc:I mean, it's so, so powerful to be able to turn it over to to to your family and to your relatives so that they don't have to worry about it. They don't have to deal with it. You've taken care of business. And that's really, think, you know, God has given me a lot of insight as to what to do and how to do it in that in that relation in that, process as well. Because I'm including things that are just not, you know, financial kinds of things, but, things that are valuable to me, memory kinds of things, pictures or whatever the case is.
Ed Zajanc:You know, it's all a part of your, your life.
Amber Beels:Well, and being able to do it with grace too. Being able to do it with, you know, knowing that, you know, it's not the end. You know, you're going be with your father in heaven. It's more of a celebration, know, type thing. And being able just to leave behind something that is going to be easier for your family, you know, and I recently lost my my stepfather.
Amber Beels:And There was nothing.
Ed Zajanc:There was nothing.
Amber Beels:And because he wasn't planning on it, he was 55. So he was very young. And his whole place was like, he lived in a living room that was shared. It was a house that was shared with many roommates. And so in the living room that he lived in, there was like a bed and stuff.
Amber Beels:And it was like a hoarding situation. Like it was just stuff everywhere. It wasn't cleaned. It was a mess. And we had to be out of there in two days.
Ed Zajanc:Oh, wow.
Amber Beels:And I wasn't very close to my stepdad, but my mom was. She was still friends with him, even though they were divorced. And then my brother, obviously, that was his father. He's still processing that. I think he's still trying to figure out how to process it.
Amber Beels:He hasn't really fully, I think, grasped that his his father's gone. But I know it was really, really tough on them to like, get all the documents. What kind of medications was he on? What doctor? Who was his doctor?
Amber Beels:They had no idea who his doctor was. And like, it was just that- it just made it that much harder.
Ed Zajanc:Right. What to do with the dogs. Exactly. What to do with all the stuff in the garage or in the office or whatever the case So I'm doing a Purge right now, and started in the office and gonna move to the rest of the house and slowly, get rid of things, over time. But the interesting, thing that you said about what happens in the thought processes that go on at that time are for me, I'm I know that the grief that that I felt with the loss of my mom and with my, son was just overwhelming in so many ways.
Ed Zajanc:And, especially being so close, within months of each other. And then the the reality is that asking the Lord, you know, Lord, how did this happen? Why did it happen? And and could I have done? Could I have done something different?
Ed Zajanc:Is there anything I could have said, done, made a difference in some way? And so being able to to really turn that over to the Lord and say, you know, show me, tell me, you know, help me, with this has been a journey. And it hasn't been easy. And there's many times that I've sat back and accepted, yeah, I get it. He's in a far better place with you today than he was.
Ed Zajanc:He was hurt. He was angry. He upset. He didn't know what was happening to him- himself. And he just felt better and more confident and to want to be in a different place.
Ed Zajanc:And, you know, he died with his Bible next to him on his knees.
Amber Beels:I can't imagine what what that's like for you and the immense grief that you must have, you know, and still processing. I mean, I know it's been over a year, but it's still hard, you know, and you still kind of go through those ups and downs. And I think the Lord still is there. He's still your- the Holy Spirit is still a comforter, right? And He's there 20 fourseven.
Amber Beels:He's there to be able to be there for you in those moments that maybe you are in a low, you know, because we're human. We go through those. And it's not easy, for sure. But having that community, having that wolf pack and the Holy Spirit, like, those are all the tools you need to be able to process those things, right? And move forward.
Amber Beels:And not only move forward, but thrive too.
Ed Zajanc:Yeah. And that's I could not have done it by myself. And I didn't do it by myself. I did it, with a growing, renewing, faith and belief that Christ and the Holy Spirit are with me and were with me and are with me. And with my Wolfpack and my pastor and the church, and my family.
Ed Zajanc:Seeing them step up and be strong, also, comforting them when they've got their moments as well, out of it. It's been a journey for all of us and we all process grief differently. None of us process it the same. And we you know, I say, well, there's five stages of grief or what everything that you go through. Well, yeah, challenge if it's only five.
Ed Zajanc:There's a lot of different things that that you that go on in your mind and in your heart. But I I'm really confident that, today that I know that, that my son is in a better place today. And and and he's safe, And he's happy. And I'm going to one day be with him again. And I look forward to that in my life.
Amber Beels:But I think also you are that influence that pillar in your family, on how you you are processing this grief and moving forward and reprioritize things in your life. They see that, right? Like your daughters and your ex wife, I'm sure they all see that, right? And that's got to have an impact on them, whether or not they tell you it does or not. I know it does, you know, seeing you seeing how you do that.
Ed Zajanc:And again, I think all of us deal with grief and see grief, differently and respond to it differently. Some people are still holding on to things that that those last, conversations, those last interactions, those last, visits, was said, what wasn't said, what should have been said, all of those kinds of things that that go through your heart and and and through your mind. Of the four of us, my two daughters and Carson's mom and myself, all four of us are at different levels in terms of grief and how we're dealing with it. I do honestly believe that the Holy Spirit and the Lord has been working on me very, very hard on this issue and has given me the grace to be able to move forward and to accept the fact that He's not here. It's not that every day I don't go by and ask about Him or don't feel about Him because I do, I do, I do.
Ed Zajanc:But I also know that, he's in a he's in a good spot and a good place. And, it won't be long till I'm there too.
Amber Beels:So. Well, I think the Lord that's where the peace comes in. Right? The peace that surpasses all understanding to help you. And the thankfully, the Lord is pretty generous with that.
Amber Beels:At least I've experienced that.
Ed Zajanc:Yeah. I I think I'm going through multiple stages of my evolution as well. You know, I'm not one to walk around and quote scripture or are, you know, pound the table in prophecy or things of that sort. But I do believe that over time those things will evolve and grow in me that, that the Lord's word will come through me that He wishes or wants, to me to say or do. I just need to be myself prepared and open to accept that and always have my mind available to to accept those those things.
Ed Zajanc:So I'm I think that's where I am. I'm very much of a neophyte in so many ways. If you count the number of years out of my life that I've been walking with the Lord and the Holy Spirit versus those that haven't, it's it's overwhelming. Like, on the on the deficit side. So but I still have some more time left, so I'll try and balance out that scale.
Amber Beels:Hey, the Lord can still use you. Right? Yeah. And the whole thing, and I say this a lot on my podcast is about your heart posture. It's about wanting the Lord to use you.
Amber Beels:And being careful about what you say that may prohibit the Lord from using you in certain areas. Like I had learned a few months back that like, I had said something in passing. And the Lord revealed that to me and was like, Hey, you said this, and that's why I never use you in this area. Because you said this one thing. And so I don't use you.
Amber Beels:And so I had to repent of saying those things, even though it wasn't like, so intentional of like, Oh, I don't want to do that. It was just more like, I don't It was about prophecy, not being able to like prophecy or have a word for somebody. I'm like, Oh, I don't know. Like, I'm afraid I'm going to get it wrong. And then he was like, Okay, I'm not going to use you.
Ed Zajanc:Great.
Amber Beels:Yeah.
Ed Zajanc:I mean that, that, I think that's a marvelous relationship that you're experiencing and sharing and that those are realities for you and that you're learning to to to deal with. I'm sort of evolving into what are those conversations for me? And I find, so for instance, the heart of compassion. I love the events. I love what goes on with those.
Ed Zajanc:And I love to participate and I'm so glad to be supportive of it, whether it's, you know, off tournament or doing the special events or participating in in gifts or whatever else is required for for all of that. But just sharing my time and space during those events. And I found myself really interesting gravitating a lot to the members of the church that are participating because they're so busy running around doing all the events there that I like to catch them when they're doing something really great or outstanding and say, oh, that's fantastic. How can I help? Or that's you're doing a great job or whatever the case it is.
Ed Zajanc:And, you know, whether it's making cotton candy or turning the hot dogs or whatever it is. But, and then just looking at the faces of the kids. What an amazing to have lost one, but to see so many, on a Sunday receive and be so happy. I mean, those faces say everything about all your time, energy, and effort. That's amazing.
Ed Zajanc:I love it.
Amber Beels:I feel like that's how Jesus feels when he when he blesses us. Right?
Ed Zajanc:Good point. He sees our shining face and our little faces looking up to him and saying, yeah, that's a that's a very good point.
Amber Beels:I think it's just a fraction of like what he feels when he blesses us. But it's just a taste, know, being a parent and being able to to bless your kids and see them see their faces light up. It's like the same thing that he feels, right? Because we're all his children. So I love that.
Amber Beels:Is there anything else that you want to to mention? Like if somebody is going through a lot of trials back to back similar to the way that you experienced them, what would be your advice to them?
Ed Zajanc:Well, it's so easy to crawl in a shell. It's so easy to hide. It's so easy to run. It's so easy to avoid. It's so easy to to just escape the pain in any way you can possibly imagine out there.
Ed Zajanc:So all of those things through isolation, fear, and so on do absolutely nothing to help with the realities associated with the grief or the loss that you're experiencing. And there's no way to get to the other side without going through it. So you have to go through it. And you do. And you will survive.
Ed Zajanc:And you can come out of it, many ways. You can come out of it carrying a burden and fear and or anger or frustration. You can come out of it avoiding everything and ignoring it and never letting it come back into your mind. I really think that that the for me, what was the best for me was to have the time and space, but also to have the friends and church and people around me who loved me, cared for me, and honestly wanted to know how I was doing. And it's just not the normal, hey, how are you?
Ed Zajanc:It's no. It's, how are you really? And do you have time for us to sit and talk for a while? So how how are things going? So getting through the trials and the grief, whether it's, you know, the pain of a surgery or fear of a surgery or the loss of a child, as I've experienced, or suffering through a divorce that you didn't even intention, didn't even know was going to happen.
Ed Zajanc:And one day it's a reality and what do you do? And how do you respond? And oh my gosh, the anger associated with that. And then the resentments that that, develop. It'll just eat you up.
Ed Zajanc:Just eat you up. So, being able to turn that all over to the Lord, walk with the Lord through through the Holy Spirit, pray about that almost every day. You know, you have to bring it all up again. I hear you. Hear you.
Ed Zajanc:I hear you. I'm not I'm just gonna stay away from that corner of the chatterbox that that, will eat us up and and and take you away. But honestly, my best advice to that is that just face those fears. Rush to that roar. Answer that growl that goes on in your heart and be intentional about it.
Ed Zajanc:Don't be afraid of it. And the first time you do it, it's going to be, contentious and it's going be an issue for you and it's going to be fearful. Second time, less. Third time, even less. And it won't be long till this is what I do.
Ed Zajanc:And this is who I am and this is how I feel. And that's all intentional. That's all I think the Holy Spirit is doing is moving you inch by inch, step by step in that in those directions if you allow it to happen, if you allow it, if you're open to it. And it's so hard because we don't want to do that. We want to retract and trench and defend and hide and do all of that.
Ed Zajanc:And to some extent, it's two steps forward, one step back, and then ultimately, you're you're off to a pace that might be slow, but steady. Yeah.
Amber Beels:That's really good. Well, guys, I hope that you found Ed's amazing story just helpful, something that you can take with you, something that can help you in your life. We all go through trials, you may not be going through a season of trials right now, but you will. We- It's almost guaranteed at this point. And so just knowing that you can partner with the Holy Spirit, through those trials run towards that growl, I love that run towards the roar and just know that the Holy Spirit's got you.
Ed Zajanc:Yeah.
Amber Beels:And he's faced that roar, that growl before. He's already won that battle. You just need to run-in there with him and trust and have the faith that he's going to hold you. He's gonna take care of you. He's gonna give you all the tools and you can be bold.
Amber Beels:And that's okay.
Ed Zajanc:There's no failure in that. There's only love and success. It's an amazing thing. Amber, thank you very much for including me in your program. I wish you all the very best.
Ed Zajanc:You're a wonderful podcast, commentator. I love you and Eric, and I wish you very the best with your family. And I know that you're gonna be nothing but successful through all of this.
Amber Beels:Thank you. Thank you, Ed. And thank you for coming on. Thank you for shooting me that text saying, like, hey. I wanna be on the podcast.
Amber Beels:Normally, I have to, like, beg and plead people to be on the podcast because they're so scared to come on even though it's just audio. I'm like, I promise there's no video.
Ed Zajanc:The invoice is in your inbox.
Amber Beels:Okay. Got it. I'll keep an eye out for it. Thanks, Ed. Alright, guys.
Amber Beels:Well, I hope you have a great week. If you can, please go ahead and share this episode with someone that you know. Leave it a rating. It helps this podcast grow. And I will see you guys next week.
